My Safe Make Up Guide

One of the most difficult things to Purify in your life is Make-Up! Because the ingredients are difficult to find, and then when you find them are difficult to pronounce, spell, or understand, you can have a difficulty knowing if something is safe or not. Then finding effective make-up that is also safe is another challenge of it’s own. The following are some brands and tips to help you through the transition.

So, just as a general rule, the following are usually safe to use:

• Afterglow Cosmetics
• elf Cosmetics
• Physician’s Formula
• tarte
• Too Faced
• The Balm
• Urban Decay
• Milk
• Buxom
• Bite
• Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics
• Make Up For Ever
• Jane Iredale
• and nearly all mineral formulations (Alima, Coastal Classics, Maia)

Again, there are tons of options out there and I won’t cover all of them, but these are some that I use or have used myself and feel comfortable sharing with you. I’m sure that there are some that are safer, but these are accessible and safe enough to meet the mark. As I use new products I will give you updates!

Eyeshadow –  The safest ingredients in eyeshadows today are the various pigments of iron oxide. Unfortunately there are many toxic ingredients as well, such as Aluminum Powder, Salicylic Acid, Silica, BHA, BHT, Butylparaben, Mineral Oil and Imidazolidinyl Urea Phenoxyethanol, Tridecyl Neopentanoate, Dicaprylyl Maleate, and Dicaprylyl Maleate.

1. Physician’s Formula – The most popular version of PF eyeshadow is the Shimmer Strips Custom Eye Enhancing Eye Shadow Palette. They come in a range of colors and with a light pearlescence but without the presence of glitter. The EWG gives this product a rating of 2 which green lights it for use, but be aware that it has some tocopheryl acetate and phenoxyethanol within it. However, you can find this product at any drugstore, grocer, or big box store for $8-10 which is great for those on a budget or just making the switch who want something easy.
2. TheBalm cosmetics – Super cute eyeshadow palettes some with blush/bronzer and some without that rank a 2 grade on the EWG Skin Deep database. The palettes cost between $35-45 for nine to twelve colors and are always paraben and cruelty free. They also offer a ‘Brow Pow’ eyebrow powder for $15. Go to http://www.thebalm.com
3. Stila, Urban Decay, and Smashbox all sell highly pigmented eyeshadow singles and limited edition palettes. You will have to go to an ULTA or Sephora to purchase these in person, but they are SO worth the money. Ranking a 2 on the EWG, they are safe for use, but other products by these brands might not be. Urban Decay is by far my favorite eyeshadow as it is super smooth and highly blendable, paraben free, and it’s so pigmented that a teeny bit just goes a long, long way!
4. You also cannot forget budget brands like elf and milani. These can be found in just about any drugstore or grocer and are usually only a $1-3 each. They are perfect for the budget conscious and for college students, or parents purchasing makeup for their daughters and don’t want them to use trash. They eye singles, quartets, and huge palettes for the adventurous.
5. Mineral makeup is also a great option for eyeshadow. They come in lots of colors already, but you can also custom mix your own, you can press them to make them easier to apply or travel with, and they’re completely natural and safe. The most popular brand is Bare Minerals, but don’t miss out on brands like Maia’s or Coastal Classic Creations, both which have a large product line and reasonable prices.

Concealer – Like all makeup, conventional products have toxins that irritate the skin and cause inflammation in the body. Some ingredients to look out for are Propylene Glycol, TEA, Alumina, Methylparaben, Imidazolidinyl Urea, Retinyl Palmitate (Vitamin A palmitate), and Fragrances. There are still some great options out there for concealers in both powder and cream, depending on which your skin is best suited.

1. Coastal Classic Creations Concealer, Maia’s Mineral Galaxy Concealers, bareMinerals Well Rested for Eyes are all good powdered concealer options. If you have mature skin look for a cream formulation.
2. Zosimos Botanicals Concealer and eye shadow base is a great little product. It has the density of a corrector with the feel of a whipped foundation. I don’t know how they did it, but I love it! Zosimos has sample sized, 1.75 g, of concealer for $5, or standard size, 10 g, for $32. I use Zosimos as a corrector and primer.
3.  Tarte is my preferred concealer, they make two types – one is a creme stick, the other a liquid. Tarte Amazonian Clay Waterproof 12 hr Stick stands up well to wear, has never melted in my purse, works well on the under-eye area and the face, and can cover both blemishes and color disparity. Tarte Maracaja liquid concealer is a dynamite under-eye concealer. Put this on, set it with powder, and you look like new! It’s creaseless, won’t flake, smear, or migrate. Tarte also makes a color correcting palette, but I’ve not used it before. Their products can be found at ULTA or Sephora or purchased directly from their website, you’ll find the concealers will cost approx $25
4. Make Up For Ever makes a few different concealers, but the one to get is the Ultra HD which will both correct and conceal. The Sephora website even has a video about how to best apply and choose concealer that is fab!

Mascara –  Mascara can contain lots of toxic chemicals including Petroleum Distillates, Phenoxyethanol, Propylene Glycol, Styrene PVP Copolymer and Sodium Polymethacrylate, Triethanolamine (TEA), and the hardest to get away from in mascara – Parabens, like Methylparaben and Butylparaben. Thankfully, it is possible to find safe mascaras.

1. Maia’s Mineral Galaxy Mascara, Coastal Classic Creations Mascara – mineral mascaras made with beeswax, jojoba oil, and iron oxide. Very safe and gentle.
2. Bare Minerals Flawless Waterproof mascara – made like any other mineral mascara but with the addition of phenoxyethanol to make it waterproof, which is a skin and eye irritant. If there are occasions that you need a waterproof eyeliner, use this one, but please don’t wear it everyday!!
3. Afterglow Cosmetics Organic Infused Pure Soul Mascara – This brand is great for people with allergies as it’s gluten and soy free, paraben, sulfate, fragrance, phthalate, triclosan, quaternium, dye, petrochemical, and GMO free! They’re also certified organic, fair trade, and cruelty free.The 9.8g / 0.35 oz tube is $24 and can be purchased here with a 90 guarantee.
4. Tarte Amazonian Gifted mascara/Too Faced Lash Injection Mascara – don’t wear everyday or if you have sensitive eyes/skin as these formulas also include phenoxyethanol, but are great longwear mascaras, so for the times that it’s necessary…it’s a good way to go. Tarte’s creates a very dark, full lashline. Looks like you have naturally lush lashes. Too Faced Injection has a polymer wrap and gives a thicker and longer look to your lashes. If you cannot tolerate falsies, or don’t/can’t wear them for whatever reason, then Injection is an option for you
5. Physician’s Formula Organics Lash Boosting or Natural Origin only – don’t use the others of this brand. These are thin and dark with a great brush that has no trouble getting down to the roots.
6. Younique – Green Tea fiber mascara – I couldn’t cover mascara and not Younique. I haven’t used these myself, but I have a friend who is a consultant and while the product isn’t in EWG, I have run all of it’s ingredients through the database. They are all safe! So, for all you Younique lovers, take a big sigh of relief, your consultant is telling the truth when she says their makeup is relatively safe to use.

Lipstick –  One of my favorite bits of makeup is lipstick, I love my cherry apple red lipstick! Of course, with lipstick, gloss, and balm, you must be aware that anything you put on your mouth will inevitably go IN your mouth, so it MUST be non-toxic. In fact, studies show that women will ingest over four pounds of lipstick in their lifetimes and even more if you wear it daily. Some of the common things you’ll find in conventional lipstick Parabens, BHA, BHT, Sunscreen-Oxybenzone and Octinoxate, Padimate O, Retinyl Palmitate, Synthetic fragrances, Petroleum Wax and Synthetic Oil.

1. Obsessive Compulsive Lip Tar – This stuff ain’t coming off! If you need a longwear lipstick, here it is!! It’s thicker than your average ‘stain’ but doesn’t leave lips tacky like a gloss. Condition lips before use for best results, brush is included, and don’t be scared off by the price, a lil bit goes a long, long, long way!!! EWG rank 2, You’ll only be able to purchase this product places like ULTA and Sephora or from the website
2. Bite Lipstick – I like the matte lip crayon, but it also comes in a matte pencil, creme lipstick called amuse bouche, a pearl lipstick called opal creme, and a line and define pencil. The idea behind Bite is that you could eat them if  you wanted to. See more
3. Buxom – Buxom is the younger, bolder Bare Escentuals, and they sell two lip products that I’m over the moon for. Really! I always have at least one tube in my purse at all times, usually another stays in my train case bc you never know when you’ll need to pick up and leave! They’re more gloss than lipstick, but they’re THICK, and highly pigmented. Buxom calls them Lip Cream and Lip Polish. They’re basically the same product, but the Cream is like a patent leather stiletto – bold and sexy, and the Polish makes a pearescent pucker, a little sweeter and more casual. To see more about them go to the Buxom website or fine makeup store.

Blush –  for blush and bronzer, you’ll likely get the most bang for your buck with mineral formulations, unless you’re on a budget and need something really cheap. Personally, I use an elf blush that I LOVE that was less than $3 for the better part of the year. I definitely suggest having a look through the ‘approved’ brands to see what works for you.

Nail Polish –  Nail polishes frequently contain formaldehyde, DBP – dibutyl phthalate, toulene, formaldehyde resin, and camphor. Here’s the brands that I use:

• lauren b
• trust fund
• Nina
• Zoya
• OPI
• Essie
• China Glaze
• Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure (only this one)
• Jamberry nail wraps are safe too 🙂 (vinyl sheets, non toxic, five free)
• I’ve heard GREAT things about Aquarella and Honeybee Gardens but haven’t gotten to try them yet, but if you have the opportunity, they’re pretty nice!

Thank you for taking this make-up journey with me! Soon to come are Household cleaning guides, individual reviews, and more! 🙂

 

A Bientot! ooo

My Safe Personal Product Guide

I’m not going to say that there aren’t tons of other products that are fabulous, bc there are! But these are things that are in my home either for primary use or as backup if I can’t make more homemade at that moment, or they are things that I’ve had personal experience with and can say are good to go. In this installment we are only going to be covering personal care products, but make-up and household products are on their way!

Deodorant – Please don’t do yourself the disservice of wearing Aluminum filled antiperspirant! There are great deodorant options that won’t give you cancer. They won’t keep you from sweating, but you are a mammal after all…  If you need, you can put a lil isopropyl alcohol on a washcloth to wipe your armpits, or anywhere your skin makes contact with skin, and you’ll feel nice and refreshed. Afterward, you might consider dusting those places with cornstarch powder to ensure that you stay dry. For a fresh scent, try one of these:

1. Nutribiotic – this is the deoderant that I wear when I leave the house. It is a gel stick, and is GMO, gluten, and paraben free. This vegan deodorant comes in unscented, lavender, and mango melon. Nutribiotic tends to cost between $5-6, and can be found on Nutribiotic or Amazon.
2. Meow Meow Tweet – this is a deodorant creme that comes in a lil pot, you apply the right amount for you. There are formulations with or without baking soda, and it comes in lavender or tea tree scents. This organic product is GMO, paraben, gluten, and cruelty free. You can order a sample 1 oz size for $8, standard 2.5 oz for $14, or a two pk for $26 from Meow Meow Tweet
3. Primal Pit Paste is another good option, but stay away from it if you are sensitive to baking soda. Comes in a jar or stick and in scents of coconut lime, lavender, jasmine, thyme& lemongrass, and lavender orange. A stick is $10.95, and a Six Pack Sampler with one sample size of each scent is $20. The two ounce jars are a standard price $8.95!  No aluminum, parabens, chemicals, fragrances, corn, gluten, or GMOs.

Lotions – frequently laden with colorants, fragrances, petroleum products, and parabens. Here’s a few that are safe and effective!

1. Hippie Butter – Hemp seed lotion that’s hypoallergenic and cruelty free, biodegradable. Two formulations: the hand and body lotion is thinner and fast absorbing and does not leave a greasy surface. In my experience, best applied in layers of small amounts until you have enough. Then there’s a moisturizing cream that has a whipped texture much like a body butter. It provides a deep quenching moisture for dry arms and legs. Great for after shaving. The hand lotion comes in a four ounce bottle for $12.95 the cream in a pot for $15 at Hippie Butter
2. Misha Stewart Dermaceuticals – Misha makes a creme that is good for everything – rashes, abrasions, sore muscles, burns, scars, tattoos, stretch marks, bug bites, blisters, swelling, eczema, sunburn, face moisturizer, make-up remover. I use Misha’s creme anywhere I used to use a cold cream like Ponds. Can be gotten from her online store.
3. Badger Balm – Badger Balm for Hardworking Hands which comes in a 2 oz tin, is best to sooth dry, tight skin You can also use Badger Balm for bug bites, itchy skin, dry spots, abrasions, and diaper rash.

Sunscreen – in a sunscreen you frequently see parabens, fragrances, and others. Trying to find sunscreen that works, but doesn’t have any endocrine disruptors can be a challenge. Look for active ingredients like zinc and titanium oxide. My favorite ones are:

1. Alba Hawaiian Green Tea SPF 30 and 45, 4 oz cream generally costs between $10-12. It’s a smooth cream that isn’t too thick, absorbs well, and is gentle enough to apply to the face. Has a pleasant scent but I would only use for casual situations, not for sports wear. Comes in “very emollient” and “very mineral” formulations as well, and a lavender baby variety. Long lasting, waterproof (80 mins) UVA/UVB paraben-free protection.
2. Raw Elements UVA UVB True Broad Spectrum Sunscreen SPF 30 plus, 3 oz cream or 0.6 oz stick, cost approximately $13-16. Thicker cream with staying power (80 mins) for sporting situations. This is what to use for soccer games, surfing, and anything else where you’ll be getting sweaty and/or wet. Hypoallergenic, organic formula is paraben and cruelty free and is Non-GMO Certified.
3. If you aren’t comfortable using either of these on baby, look at the Badger and California Baby brand sunscreens. If you frequently have breakouts after using sunscreen, try using the baby variety on your face!

Bug Repellent – conventional bug repellents contain DEET, which has been known to damage the nervous system causing seizures, slurred speech, tremors, etc., as well as it irritates the eyes, nose, and many the skin. DEET will melt plastic and rubber and has damaged many a hiker’s clothing, gear, camera, and watch. Those who use it daily report rashes, headaches, dizziness, and difficulty concentrating. Absolutely do not use DEET unless you have no other choice, and then don’t use a product with more than 30% concentration. Here are some MUCH safer choices:

1. MoveOn Bug Block stick and bar, stick is 0.6 oz for $8.75, pocket bar is 0.71 oz for $8.95, and the family bar is 2 oz for $16.95.  I like the pocket bar size as it fits perfectly into my hand and I can just run it wherever needed like a bar of soap. The bars are 76 degree refined coconut oil with unbleached beeswax, refined shea butter, and citronella, cedarwood, and lavender essential oils.
2. California Baby – natural bug blend – bug repellent spray, 6.5 oz is approx $15. Pump spray that’s nontoxic, non-chemical, made from vegetable and plant ingredients and it is nut oil, gluten, soy, oat, and dairy free. It works through the power of citronella, lemongrass, and cedar essential oils.
3. If you are in a pinch…and cannot get a product, you can use the natural oils of several plants to help you, just pinch off a liberal amount and vigorously rub it on your arms and legs, then get a fresh amount and do it again on your neck, ankles, and wrists.
   1. mint
   2. rosemary
   3. cedar
   4. citronella
   5. lemon balm
   6. catnip
   7. geranium
4. If you MUST use a CHEMICAL based repellent, look for Picaridin-A good brand is Natrapel. It comes in a lotion, pump spray, continuous spray, and wipes (which I suggest). The wipes will have less chemical for you to breath in, and less ingredients. The ingredients in the spray are picaridin, water, ethyl alcohol, and polyethylene glycol. Natrapel offers 8-12 hours of protection from one application and a box of wipes contains 12 applications, for $7

Lip Balm – My preferred lip balms are from The Merry Hempsters, French Girl cosmetics, and Chicken Poop. We also sometimes use None of Your Beeswax or Sierra Bees if these others are unavailable. All can be found at good grocers, health food stores, and sometimes feed stores. A good balm will usually cost between $4-6 per tube/pot

Shampoo / Conditioner – If the ‘no poo’ method is not for you, you still need a shampoo without surfactants like SLS, SLES, cocamidopropyl betaine, and cocamide DEA; preservatives like  parabens, benzyl alcohol, methylisothiazolinone, and methylchloroisothiazonlinone; fragrances, phthalates, retinyl palmitate, or sulfates. Some brands that we would normally consider ‘good’ still have a little bit of some of these ingredients, usually benzyl alcohol, sodium benzoate, or cocamidopropyl betaine. The EWG still rates these as ok to use, but if you want best, choose one without.

1. Hugo Naturals – If you’re trying to make the switch to naturals, this one is for you. This shampoo lathers, has a coconut scent and is only $10 for a 12 oz bottle.
2. Acure Organics – You can read all the ingredients of this shampoo line and it can usually be found at Whole Foods and other nice grocers and health food stores. Doesn’t have much of a scent, very mild formulation. $10 for 8 oz
3. Earth Mama – Not just for babies, this all in one shampoo and body wash has a pleasing citrusy scent that’s mild enough for your children and revitalizing enough for you. But the price is the kicker at $10 for 5 oz although the EWG rates it a ZERO which is as Non-toxic as it gets!
4. Shea Moisture – Shea Butter Shampoo and Conditioners – easily found at Target and most grocers. Rated a 1 by EWG, this line is extensive offering different scents, hair needs, travel sizes, etc. It’s easy to find and it’s affordable with a 13 oz shampoo costing $11. The brand uses fair trade ingredients, only certified organic ingredients and sticks to it’s no animal cruelty policy.
5. Andalou Naturals – while Non-GMO verified, and gluten, cruelty, and sulfate free, Andalou has a little sodium benzoate hiding in their shampoo and conditioners. The EWG still rates them a 2, and green lights them for use, but it’s worth mentioning for those who are sensitive or trying to detox for illness purposes. Otherwise, this is a great and affordable haircare line that in addition to shampoo and conditioner has a pump hairspray and creme gel, both of which are fabulous. It lathers just a little, smells nice, and your hair feels clean but not stripped afterward. $10 for 11.5 oz
6. Avalon Organics – EWG rates this brand a 3 due to benzyl alcohol and sodium benzoate. Don’t use unless a better brand isn’t available.
7. Kiss My Face is another affordable brand but it has the addition of Cocamidopropyl Betaine. It is, however, cruelty, SLS, gluten, phthalate, paraben, and fragrance free. Plus 11 oz is only $8!

Toothpaste – Flouride and SLS are the biggest issues in the land of toothpaste, but there are some good products out there is you know what to look for.

1. Desert Essence makes a tea tree and Neem toothpaste without flouride but it still contains SLS.
2. Tea Tree Therapy is free of both SLS and Flouride, so if you need one without SLS this is it!
3. Tom’s of Maine – there are more options with this line but be ready to stand there and read a lot of boxes. There is an SLS free option, but it still contained flouride last I saw. There are flouride free options, but they still have SLS.
4. Weleda makes a 100% natural toothpaste line that is cruelty free that comes in all kinds of flavors and even has a kids version. It is a little different to the toothpaste you might be used to though, so maybe work up to it?
5. If you cannot do mint, Tom’s has a fennel flavor and a lemon lime, there are several tea tree varieties, and I think Desert Essence is one of the ones that does a cinnamon. There is also Spry, but then there’ll be erythratol in your toothpaste.

Feminine Products – So everyone knows about the cup. What if the cup isn’t for you but you still need something. These are your best options:

1. Organyc – all cotton pads and tampons can be found in large and good grocers. 16 tampons for approx $5, 24 pantiliners for approx $4.50, or 10 pads for $5.50-7.50
2. NatraCare, Seventh Generation, NatraTouch, and Veeda offer about the same products and competitive pricing
3. If you can crochet, try your hand at making some of these, if not you could purchase them from many different sellers online. Be sure to check into the quality of the yarn used and wash them appropriately before use.
4. Then there is the reusable menstrual pad. It is made by sewing layers of flannel onto a waterproof fabric called polyurethane laminated or PUL fabric which you can easily get at your local fabric store or order online. If you aren’t crafty, there are many people selling these reusable pads on online retailers like Etsy. This is just one example.

Thank you for sticking through this guide to the end! I hope that it will help you on your journey to purify your life. Come back soon to see the make-up and household cleaning guides!

Messages to the Military

I am the proud recipient of the deployed address of a Private First Class through Adopt A US Soldier. I’ve participated in one if these programs before but I really prefer this organization. AAUS is free for one, but for me, I really enjoy how much online community and information is within the member forums.

The last time I wrote letters, the soldier I was assigned was sent home within a couple months. It turned out that I still had a pile of things set aside for care packages. Lucky for me we had a friend who was sent out later that year, so I added a few things and sent it all to him. He said it was the nicest pkg he received while there. I doubt I will receive those kinds of affirmation in this situation, but if by sending letters and the odd package I could somehow affect this man for the better, boost his morale, help him feel less isolated, anything really, would be just plain invaluable to me.

When my dh was still active duty, I participated in what is called the Key Spouse program. When the active duty member would go on deployment, I and the other Key Spouses for our unit would check on the spouses left behind. We would create social occasions, give child care vouchers, make sure their lawn was mowed and other things along those lines. If there was a recall, I also had to go down my list, bc as far as the military was concerned those spouses were my responsibility while the active duty member was away.

So, when I read about these programs to write letters to servicemen and women on deployment, I was excited to try it out. Basically this is how it works. The military member signs up requesting that someone ‘adopt’ them for the duration of their deployment. Then when you sign up, depending on the organization you choose, either you request a specific service member off a list or you are assigned one randomly. Most are unmarried men under 25 and your letters might be the only thing they get the entire 9 -12 months that they are there. While some are in areas that are established with decent conditions, most are in dire need of socks, deodorant, granola, chewing gum, chapstick, etc. But more than anything they need something else to think about and a little compassion. If you think that you can do this, please sign up with adoptaussoldier.org but do it knowing the length of the commitment.

My only problem is that the gent I was assigned has a birthday very soon. I really hope I can get something off to him in time to get it before his bday.

Please send good thoughts and prayers for all of our military members and their spouses ❤

I made it out of bed today!!

Hello middle of the night :o)

To my surprise I got out of bed today! I was up from about noon until we went to bed around nine pm. Of course I’ve yet to sleep, but what’s so strange about that I ask?!

Being a Saturday my husband did his level best to stay in bed as long as possible. Then he got up and ran a couple of errands while the kids watched a film on tv. I called the living room and my daughter brought me a cuppa and something to eat. Not long after I finished my husband comes in talking about our chickens. We have/had a small flock of five hens. Two wyandottes, two australorps, and one orpington. Apparently something broke into the coop at night because we had two beheaded chickens, one missing an eye, and another missing one of the little tines off her comb. We have foxes in this area but I think it was a raccoon. Why would they just dehead the chicken but not eat it??? My husband is certain that they didn’t do it to each other…and to be fair by the way they were acting skittish I think he is right. But as there were dead chickens in the coop, that means we had to do something. I use the ‘deep litter’ method in the coop. We get the mini flake pine chips that you can use in horse stalls. This makes it clean and unsmelly as well as gives them something to kick around, make nests, etc. But since there was a death, I decided we needed to muck out the coop. So I started raking it up and then my husband took over and wheeled it out to add to the compost. Only problem is that my compost bin was full…of compost! I haven’t been able to ready the beds yet b/c I’ve been so ill, so the bin is still full. So while DH mucked out, my daughter and I worked on the bed. There weren’t any weeds really, but we had to get rid of the grass. This year the grass will not be given a chance, I’m going to edge out the bed. I have three double rows and one single. Together we didn’t even finish one row. I didn’t stop b/c I was too tired or too hot or anything like that. I stopped b/c even with my gloves on I was about to draw blood from pulling St. Augustine runners! I felt fine…at least until I stood up!!!

So, when I get up I get hit hard with a brown out. I think I get brown outs b/c of a low blood pressure type issue, but one can never be sure. Either way, when I have been sitting or squatting for some time pulling weeds and then get up, oh boy am I in trouble. Loads of pain and inflammation in my back, weakness in my legs, brown out, dizzy dizzy dizzy. Of course, I had no business doing any of this in the first place, I’ve been in bed since September except for a few days I felt like getting up and a handful of doctor’s appts. But I am like an addict, if I can get up I go until I drop!

As I was covered in grass and dirt I wanted to bathe. My legs were shaking so badly DH escorted me inside and ran me a bath and held my hand while I got in. Then our son wanted to take a bath so he got plunked in with me (he’s three). So I got the privilege of having water poured on each of my legs and hands and so on by his cup that is used for hair washing. I, however, did not agree to him washing my hair which is rather long and very thick. After dumping him out DH helped me wash my hair and I got out and dressed and settled into my couch. I say my couch b/c it’s my spot and everyone knows it! We have a full size sofa, a loveseat, and a wing back recliner in our living room. The chair is my husband’s, and loveseat mine, leaving the couch for the kids or for guests. I had been previously watching a documentary about income inequality and put it on. DS got on the couch with me and DD on the other couch and both promptly took a nap while DH and I enjoyed the documentary and some lively conversation.

Most unfortunately, though, I had horrible brain fog all day long! I kept saying things that were not what I was thinking, couldn’t stay focused for anything, and all around had a horrible time communicating. And as I had just slept seventeen hours straight That wasn’t it! That is one of my problems either I don’t sleep or sleep way to much. I’m getting to where I generally sleep every day, but I can’t seem to adhere to any kind of schedule. Back on the brain fog though. I had left my phone outside in the garden and asked DD to go get it for me. She brought it back, handed it to me, and I looked directly at it and started to check my email on the phone then said to her, “Where’s my phone? Couldn’t you find it?” I think that really draws a picture of how I have been thinking…or rather not today.

For dinner, DD made a gluten free Amy’s pizza and I also treated myself to a frozen fruit pop :o) All in all a very successful day! I pray to have more and more of these and less and less of the days over the last week. I’ve been in bed except for escorted jaunts to the bathroom, had an ongoing low grade fever, and was nauseated enough that DH went out to get me some mexican sprite. (Coke and Sprite bottled in Mexico don’t have HFCS.) It stinks to have a fever for days going back and forth between freezing and sweating but that has basically been my status quo for the last few months. fever, itching, swelling, dizziness, headaches, rash, eye dryness, allergies, pain, muscle pain, spasms, joint pain, and on and on and on. I’m so over it. How long can one flare last? We are just past six months! Isn’t that enough?! Oh Lord help me

If you guys pray, drop a line for me too, huh? Thanks ;o)

Nothing is Impossible

Be prepared to cry!

I have to break this up into two different sections, otherwise I think I will start blubbering, lol

1. Invisible Illness
Anyone who has chronic pain has at one time or another been treated like they were gaming the system so to speak. Because I first started having problems before I was even out of high school with Fibro and chronic migraines then the back pain started when I was 21, inevitably by medical professionals I was treated like a druggy. All of that went away as soon as they saw my scans most of the time but there was certainly never an apology. I had spinal surgery in 2007 and have been on Percocet now for ten years next month. It makes me furious when doctors treat me like some kind of whiny baby or drug seeker, but when someone I know thinks things like that and are blind to the obvious it really hurts my feelings. One good example is that a friend of mine (loosely) thought that I went through the charade so that I could get high and be lazy. Another example is at a family gathering when I was feeling so poorly I could hardly stand someone asked my husband how I was doing. He responded explaining how I had been rather ill that year and really shouldn’t be at the gathering as I was feeling so badly and in so much pain and the other person says, “Well, she looks fine to me…” :0 Puh
Too bad my pain levels aren’t what they Look Like to someone else.

2. LaLa and Emmie
My daughter was four when my grandfather passed. We were in another country at the time and had been for the majority of her life. She had seen him the previous summer but before that not since she was a year old. This didn’t stop her from talking about him all the time and telling me how much she missed him. It just grabs your heart and wrings you dry when these babies are so ‘in touch’. Your story is just beautiful and reminded me of these moments. I believe that children are much more attuned than we are and have no doubt that they can see angels, etc. Many times I have heard one of our children having actual conversations with Somebody at night before they go to sleep. My grandmother also told me that many times before her mother passed that she spoke with relatives in Heaven. It was during the year before she went, my grandmother would go to check on her mother, and her arms would be uplifted to the ceiling and when she was finished she would relay the conversation of family members long dead. I think it is fair to believe that those newly part of the worId and those about to leave it are more attuned to things which we are not. I find all of these things incredibly comforting.

noonegetsflowersforchronicpain

One of the biggest struggles I have ever faced in my journey with chronic pain is facing the people who did not believe I had an invisible illness. Once the physical scars were gone and I looked totally healthy many people found it quite impossible to believe I was suffering in constant pain. I wanted to scream: “I SWEAR I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN AND I NEED HELP! PLEASE BELIEVE ME!” Sometimes the things we cannot see are impossible to believe. With age, lessons, and wisdom I frankly do not care if anyone believes that I have chronic pain. I get frustrated at times with the people that love me and know my journey that sometimes seem to forget I am still fighting an every day battle. However, I am doing so well with my chronic pain management that it rarely ever gets to me. I spent so many…

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You know you have chronic pain when…..

I am so here on this post! I used to bring multiple colors to the doc so that I could color code all the different types of pain bc if i tried to do it all with one it looked like I was a child trying to color within the lines LOL! I too have, still am to some degree, gotten fixated on a diagnosis. There was a time I would have kissed a doc if they had said I had cancer I was so desperate being ping ponged to specialist after specialist. Now I just want to feel better and I care not what’s wrong or what I have to do to reach my goal. I’m despondent with guilt over how much my illness impacts my husband and children. It just is not fair that they are suffering too. I am, however learning a lot from the journey’s of others who have come before me and am so comforted to know that there are others in this insufferable position. much love to you all ooo

noonegetsflowersforchronicpain

How many times have you been asked by a doctor or specialist to circle on a piece of paper where it hurts? I honestly cannot even count how many times I have seen this picture but just looking at this brings back some of my worst memories and I am so happy I do not have to “circle where it hurts” again!
I remember when I first saw this picture, I was maybe seventeen or so. I was excited. I was so meticulous at drawing little dots on the stick figures to show exactly where I felt my pain. I was even happy there was a front side of the body and a back side because it hurt all over my head, face, and upper back. I thought this was the greatest thing ever. After, many more doctors and specialists and being asked to draw where it hurts I gave…

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Birthdays and roses

Saturday was my birthday. Oh, how I wish I could have planted my garden, go to dinner with my family, gotten to spend some time with my mother or my friends, but no, I spent the day in bed. My fever rose and broke over and over again. Sweat through my clothes, my sheet. Spent a good bit of time semi conscious.

But my sweet daughter. She made me a beautiful crochet heart wall/door hanger. And my sweet husband went out and brought home an Outback Special with a baked potatoe and mixed veg. With a tall, cool Jarritos Mexican Cola, what more could I have asked for on such a day? Well I can tell you…cookies! That’s what!! LOL!

I had tons of spasms all night. I wish I knew why I am having so many all of a sudden. This, of course, means that I am also not getting much sleep. But I have had some good conversations with YHWH. Now Solutions makes an arnica warming oil that I massage into my legs when they get this way. It works better than I ever thought possible. If you try it, pull with your fingertips or knuckles toward your heart again and again until you feel that the muscle has released.

We are changing over tenants in our rent home soon. If I feel halfway decent on Sunday I’d like to go and prune the roses and some other annual yard work. I left some nice plants in the ground over thereThere’s a La Feliciana peach tree, a brown turkey fig, a Chinese wisteria, a star jasmine, two climbing roses that took forever to find. One is a bluish purply that I was training to go up the porch rail and the other is the climbing version of a New Dawn rose which is white with just a hint of baby pink. Plus there are some large philodendrons, some snake grass, and rosemary nearly as large as a sedan. Lastly there are three knockout roses in the front flowerbed, and lantana all down the side of the house, and a Bradford pear and crepe myrtle in the front yard. Hopefully others helping can work out everything except the climbing roses and the lavender that I’d like to save from the knockouts.

UPDATE:

So, I did make it over to work in the yard. My husband came with me armed with a hedge trimmer. I instructed him how to cut the Lantana down to the ground and treat the knockouts like a hedge. I don’t know if they are so forgiving everywhere, but in zone 8, you can’t really kill them and you can cut them anytime but the depth of the summer. I used to cut them down twice a year until I adopted the hedge method :0) We did also manage to get the lavender out, although I had hoped to maybe split the rosemary, unfortunately it wasn’t ground layered, so too bad there. I did cut back the trees and the roses. The roses were really, really bad. The fig tree still had figs on it shriveled from last year. What kind of ppl don’t eat free figs?? I did, however, bring home several cuttings from each rose bush. I’ve never been good at starting them, but here’s to hoping. I also discovered a random broccoli plant. I had grown broccoli before in the bed and let it go to seed, but I was still surprised to see a plant there when I haven’t lived in the house for almost two years! All in all it was a good trip, albeit a cold and windy one. Were it not so cold we would have stayed much longer!

I’m meant to have visitors from church on wednesday. If that works out, I’ll drop a line in the next few days to tell you all about it. I also have been going through my Baker Creek catalogue. Ordering seeds is on my to do list ;0) Oh, and another thing, I had taken some dirt with me to bring home the rose clippings. So, I go around to the compost bin to load up my dirt and was greeted by ten eggs! My silly girls, LOL :0)

Illness is not pushing away!

Hello everyone. I hope that if you are reading this from a similar health situation that you haven’t had these types of problems. If you have, I pray that they do not last indefinitely, that they are not all encompassing, and/or that you have fantastic surrogates!

I first began having back problems in April 04. My daughter was not quite two and I cared for her all day at home. Also, we had recently moved to the UK. My spine had degenerative issues for the next few years while the docs tried everything in the book to avoid surgery. So I endured all kinds of epidural steroid injections, facet joint injections, physical therapy, a denervation, what have you for a couple of years. In January 07 it was decided that surgery was the only option. So, we got put on the schedule and in May 07, at 24 years old, I had a wide decompressive laminectomy at L4/L5. Initially, I was much improved, my mobility was better as was my pain, so long as I didn’t do anything. Then my pain settled out into about what it is today. I wasn’t cured per se, but it was no longer getting worse either. Jan 08 we moved into our new home here in the US. I had been having a few new symtoms on and off for the last year or so, but didn’t think too much of it bc it would come and go. After we moved that was no longer the case.

Throughout 08 and 09, I began to experience neuropathic symptoms like tingling, numbness, radiculopathy, and “brain fog.” I also started to exp Reynaud’s  in the right conditions, one of the worst for me is the supermarket. But what really got our attention was that every time I  would leave the house I would come down with some kind of bug for a few days. It just seemed like a 24 hr virus, except it lasted around 72 hours. I had fever, sweats, spasms, stomach upset, loose bowels, dizziness, eczema flares, etc. Eventually it did not matter if I left the house or not, a couple of times each month, I was going down.

In 2010 these flares or episodes continued to get longer and the symptoms ecae more severe. In this time, from  2008-2010, I saw three neurologists, two rheumatologists, an MS specialist, and a few different general practitioners and internal med docs. In 2010 and 2011, I became thinner than I had ever been in my adult life coming in around 120. My ideal weight that keeps me both thin and soft is 130-135. Anything over 135 and start to get luscious (LOL), and anything under about 125 and I begin to look like a coke-head. Of course everyone but my husband and I thought I looked disgustingly skinny (let’s conveniently forget why that is…) but my concern wasn’t that I was that thin, but that I couldn’t keep the weight on.  I ended up eating an insanely high calorie diet to try to not waste away. Then one day in November I started gaining weight.

In 2012 we moved into a one story house in hopes that it would help my health, and it seemed to, but shortly after my stress levels went through the roof. I struggled through the summer, but was more down than up in the winter. For basically all of this time my illness wasn’t even acknowledged by my family. My husband and kids, sure. But there were no checking on you calls from my parents or grandparents, nor aunts and uncles, not even siblings. I knew that the family we left when we went to the UK was not the one we returned to, but there were some things I just was not prepared for. I had believed that we had this great family who stood by each other no matter what. Well, I’m here to say ten years of pain,suffering, and illness apparently trump that. So meanwhile while my sister got check up calls when she has the sniffles, I’m so sick I’m being advised to consider the Mayo, but no one is calling me. At first I got excuses about how they didn’t want to wake me, and other asinine tales. Christmas 2012 put a stop to that very quickly.

I had made plans to do about a 10 day visit with our family. It is a long drive, but I had been doing it twice a year, once at Fourth of July and once at Christmas. As I was too ill to go that summer, I really wanted to make it for Christmas. I knew I was too sick when thee time came. I was so weak that morning that I fell in the shower. But I wanted to go. So we went. It was a horrible trip, all I wanted was a good night’s sleep with my husband, quiet, and a cool room. None of these were to happen. Of course, as holidays go, especially when you feel poorly, things aren’t so great anyway. I had decided to leave early, but an issue with a family member basically made me feel unwelcome. All of these factors added up to us leaving a little abruptly. I didn’t really supply an explanation. I found it shocking how angry everyone was at me. So here I am so sick I can’t stand up, but you are all going to be angry for us leaving? That should be enough reason in itself to go without any reparations. But they were angry. My grandmother didn’t speak to me for about a month. She also sent a few nasty messages to me, which I chose not to answer. I was really shocked at her opinion of my circumstances and her judgement of my decisions. These revelations have really set the tone for our relationship since, which greatly disappoints me.

I have always been rather close to my grandmother as neither of parents were very available to me. I can count on one hand all of the times both of my parents combined have told me they loved me or said they were proud of me. I make no claims to be a perfect person or anything. I have a bad habit of speaking my mind and telling the truth. But overall, i was a decent kid, honor roll, graduated high school with honors, got married and had a baby. We never moved in with a relative, always paid our own bills,  never needed help from parents/family. What we did want/need was their support, and oh encouragement sure would be great. I guess that is asking too much. After Christmas 2012, my grandmother made no bones about how I was “pushing away everyone who loved me.” When I read that all I could think of was “WHO??” I only saw any of our family when we travelled to their location. I tried to speak to my grandmother regularly but it was difficult to reach her, and the calls were never that long as she always had something more important to tend to. So if most everyone I only saw once or twice a year and didn’t speak to at all in between who all was I pushing away? The other bit was How? By not coming the previous summer? By leaving early? For not calling every day? I just can’t get my head around it. How is being to sick to talk or visit pushing loved ones away? If my daughter or granddaughter were sick like I am, confined to bed for months at a time, I would so be there, not just in a supporting role, I would physically be there! So it is extremely upsetting to me that none of these people who allegedly love me even think to call and see how I am doing.

I pray that this is not your situation. I pray that your families are ready to pick up the sword and fight illness right alongside you. I pray that your mother, father, siblings, grandparents, friends, church, everyone, will do everything in their power to help you and your family get through these trying times.

On the flip side, my husband and best friends have been fantastic! I wouldn’t be alive right now if it weren’t for them. Many men would leave a woman as sick as I am, especially for so long and with no end in sight. My husband has been with me each step of the way. Helping me to the restroom,  making my meals, helping me to bathe, plus working a full time job, taking care of two kids, a dog, and five chickens, along with taking sick days to take me to doctor’s offices, and holding when I cry, praying with me when I think I cant take anymore. And my sweet friends have made great sacrifices to visit from long distances, to make me laugh, to help me feel loved, to have hope, to not give up, and to never let this illness have my identity.

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Erythema ab igne looks like lividity!

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Hello world! This is a lovely image of my left flank. For several years now,I have had a persisting, deep pain inside my torso under the floating ribs. There are only two things in attendance here: your liver and the spleen. At first notice, I thought it was my spleen. I was convinced that I had lymphoma. To be fair, I have recurrent and unexplained fevers, along with a large walnut sized lump on my outer breast towards my armpit on both sides. The lymph in my neck swells so much that I can barely swallow sometimes (lets be honest, often). I also experience a weird itching, hot crawling sensation. All my labs look basically ok. There are a lot of other symptoms, but that’s another post. The point is that I wasn’t crazy to think I had lymphoma. But if it isn”t lymphoma, then it isn’t the spleen.

So, theoretically, the pain is from my liver. But do livers hurt like this? Beats me. What I do know unequivocally is that I experience a lot of pain there and in my lower back that is not resolved with pain medications. So, I use a heating pad to help make up the difference. The trouble is that with prolonged use of a heating pad in one place, it can damage the capillaries to give you this pattern. The first time it happened the doc thought it was Livedo Reticularis which occurs in Lupus (another pathology that docs thought I had until the blood work came back). While Erythema ab igne and Livedo Reticularis look similar, they don’t occur in the same places on the body.

My biggest problem with EAI is that it looks like lividity! When you are stuck in bed like I am, you already have all these nonsensical feelings that others would prefer it if you were dead, so when your body starts looking dead it kind of freaks you out! It’s like everyone and everything is conspiring! Not to mention how self conscious you feel on that one day where you feel well enough to get naked with your honey. Can you imagine? Yep, I like dead girls, so I got this one bc she can still wash my socks!! LOL

What’s worse is that even if you discontinue the heat source, it can take years to go away. What bollocks!

Life with Chronic Pain

Good afternoon everyone! Here is another example of a lovely lady sorting out her life with chronic pain. We have such a fantastic opportunity in each other: to give and receive love and support, to have a free exchange of ideas, to learn new methods of healing and coping, and to simply feel surrounded by our peers-others in our situation, our equals, our army against chronic pain. Love each other ladies, be kind to yourselves, and get enough rest. Much love to you all ooo

noonegetsflowersforchronicpain

I just love the picture of myself on the left so much I had to share it with the world again…no that is definitely not why I am posting this picture of two completely Jessica’s again. Since the moment I got a hold on my chronic pain and learned to manage it naturally and without treatment I have known my calling in this world. I went into the medical field as a social worker to help those with chronic pain. It was not until I became a mother that I found my true passion in this world: sharing my story to give people hope. I have been writing for many months now about my journey with chronic pain and sometimes it is not easy. There are many things from my past/present that I am not proud of and it has taken much soul searching and positive feedback to continue to…

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